The Manager
by AddisonRae
Summary: “I’m thinking we stage a marriage. Everyone loves a quick nuptial, followed a week later by a racy, bitter divorce.


**The Manager**  
**By: **AddisonRae  
**Rating: **G  
**Genre: **humor  
**Summary: **Hermione's mum has hired her a …manager?

Hermione Granger opened the door to her parent's large suburban home. A bubbly-looking woman dressed in shockingly pink robes stood before her, showing her perfect white teeth in a false smile that did not reach her eyes. Hermione's cinnamon eyes narrowed suspiciously. She regarded the woman with open distaste, but to no avail, she bounded past Hermione and into the foyer.

"Miss Granger, I presume?" she asked cheerily.

"Who are you and why are you in my home?" Hermione bluntly inquired.

"Your mother hired me. She thought you could use some professional help?"

"Help? From you?" Hermione's tone was mocking, "With what?"

"You agenda, of course." the woman seemed surprised.

"Who. Are. You." Hermione enunciated slowly and clearly, quickly loosing her patience with this poor excuse for a "professional".

"I am Melanie Blanc, but you can cal me Mel. We'll be starting right away?"

Just as Hermione was about to send this ….thing…rudely on her way, Mrs. Joan Granger came into the hall. She smiled at her daughter, and her smile widened at the sight of the annoyance that some imbecile had dubbed "Mel". Hermione's glare increased, and her mother gave her a reproachful look.

"You must be Mel." said Joan brightly. "I am Joan Granger, Hermione's mother."

"Wonderful. Let's begin, shall we?" Mel said brightly.

"What. Are. You. Doing?" Hermione hissed to her mother as the vibrantly dressed woman passed by on her way into the family room.

"She's your manager, I thought it would help you with your public appearances."

"Appearances?"

"Miss Granger, I've been seriously analyzing your daughter's case, and I think it's time for extreme measures." Mel said, now stern, "She is quickly slipping out of the limelight."

"Which is precisely what I was hoping for." Hermione bit out maliciously.

"But, dear, your Professor informed us you had won some sort of award for defeating that Voldiewart."

"Order Of Merlin, mum. Very respectable." Hermione said tersely, as if the woman in front of her was anything but.

"Yes, that. He said you were famous." Joan seemed confused.

"I am famous, mum. For one of the most brutal murders in the history of mankind." Hermione sighed heavily.

"But, don't you have premieres to go to and such?"

"NO!" Hermione yelled, "Mum, I am respected! I murdered Lucius Malfoy! Second In Command of the Death Eaters!"

"Yes, but I figured we could…er…lighten your image a bit. You're only a girl, Hermione. Not a murderer. I'm sure it was one of those spells or potions you talk of…"

"I GOUGED HIS EYES OUT WITH CORKSCREWS!"

"Yes, well…"

"Ahem. "

Mother and daughter turned to face Mel. Hermione was standing now, breathing heavily and glaring openly. Joan was still seated, but shot curious glances at her daughter, as if wondering what all the fuss was about.

"As I said, I've seriously considered our options, and I think it's time to bring the publics eye to Hermione's love life." she said concernedly.

Joan looked unconvinced, "What do you suggest?"

Hermione let out a strangled cry as she slumped back into the chair.

"I'm thinking we stage a marriage. Everyone loves a quick nuptial, followed a week later by a racy, bitter divorce.

"Absolutely not!" Hermione screeched.

"Who did you have in mind?" Joan asked carefully, ignoring her daughter's cry of protest.

"Draco Malfoy is quite the looker…"

Hermione's glare increased and her hand flew to her wand pocket. Mel hurriedly tried again.

"How about his father….very dashing, that one. And recently divorced…"

Hermione grip on her wand tightened.

"Oh!" Mel jumped up excitedly. "Severus Snape! Nothing like a little teacher/student scandal to get the press writing-"

Hermione made to get up and strangle the woman, but her mother pushed her calmly back to her seat. She glared reproachfully, and Hermione visibly flinched. She turned to face the woman seated in her father's chair.

"I am very sorry, Miss Blanc, but your services won't be required."

Mel made to protest, and looked quickly to Joan, attempting a reprieve, when a sound in the hall brought all three pairs of eyes to the front door. Hermione's father Robert Granger peeked his head in.

"Is that the new maid?"

Hermione screamed angrily and stalked from the room. Mel, Joan, and Robert all watched her calmly. When she had disappeared completely from view, Joan turned a smiling face on Mel.

"Thanks, Melanie. We'll have no problems getting her to attend Christmas at cousin Mark's now."


End file.
